Dusting this thing off...

silverjewelryclub.com is a scam!

2007-08-16T04:30:17Z

I figured I had Christmas in the bag for our female-dominated families this year. Cute as anything jewellery for "Free!" (Kinda, it costs them 62 cents US to send me an item and I pay $8.99 US for Shipping and Handling expenses.) Not only is it "free" (or at least inexpensive) it's guaranteed to be real gemstones and Stirling silver.

Here's the problem. Stirling silver is 92.5% silver, with the remainder usually being copper. Neither metal is magnetic. So a simple, simple quick test for stirling silver is to use a magnet and see if your jewellery is attracted. If it is, it's not stirling.

That said, back to SJC. In the past month I've purchased and received 9 items from them. Every piece is clearly marked with a "925" mark, which marks it as pure stirling silver. Here's the sales copy for each item, and the result of the magnet test.

#1
Round Cut Garnet Dangling Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Garnet 1.25 carat total weight
Round Cut, 2 pc, 5.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity
Earrings
pure sterling silver stamped .925
2.32 grams
Length from post to bottom: 1 3/8 inches
fish hooks
unique design with gemstones in bezel setting
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Attracted.

#2
Round Cut Pink Cz Pendant Sterling Silver

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Round Cut, 1 pc, 6.00mm
machine cut
clean clarity
Pendant
stamped .925 sterling silver
1.27 grams
Dimension: 3/4 x 1/2 inch
chain is optional
fruit and leaf design with stone(s) in bezel setting
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: So attracted that it will not shake off from the magnet.

#3
Heart shape Garnet Pendant Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Garnet 1.00carat
Heart Cut 6.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity
Pendant
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
1.20 grams
chain is optional
modern design featuring bezel setting
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Again, attracted so strongly it won’t budge when the magnet is shaken.

#4A
Round White Agate Bead Circle of Love Pendant Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine White Agate Bead 1 piece
Round Cut 8.00mm
vibrant color
Pendant
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
1.40 grams
1 inch in length
chain is optional
modern design
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Attracted and sticks like glue.

#4B
The stirling silver chain I bought with the pendant.

Magnet test result: We have silver! Or at least some metal that isn’t magnetic.

#5
Round White Agate Bead Party Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine White Agate Bead, 4 pc
Round Cut 8.00mm
vibrant color
Earrings
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
3.00 grams
2 inches in length
unique dangling design
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Attracted.

#6
Blue Mother of Pearl Dangling Fashion Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstones/Accents
All natural Mother of Pearls
Translucent blue color
Earrings
stamped .925 Sterling Silver
2.50 grams
Approximately 1 inch in length
Dangling Style
collector's 'naughty feet' design
Fish hook closure

Magnet test result: Not attracted. Still might be silver plate over copper, but at least it passes.

#7
Round Cut Peridot Flower Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Peridot 0.50 carat total weight
Round Cut 4.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity
Earrings
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
1.39 grams
Dimension: 3/8 x 3/8 inch
dainty flower design with prong setting
push back closure
includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Attracted. Solidly.

#8
White Mother of Pearl Leaf & Feather Ring Oxidized Sterling Silver

Gemstones/Accents
All natural Mother of Pearl
Lustrous white color
Ring
stamped with .925 sterling silver
3.25 grams
approximate finger size 7 1/4 (available only in this size)
Unique indian inspired design
Includes a gift pouch

Magnet test result: Not attracted. However, after testing it earlier tonight, I took a soft cloth and wiped the ring to remove my fingerprints. The ring just collapsed in half. At least it’s silver, right? So what that it fell apart before anyone ever even wore it?

So! Out of 9 items, all guaranteed to be and promoted as stirling silver, 3 passed the simple magnet test. Some of them are pretty enough that I’ll keep them anyways, silver or not. But some are no different from what I could pick up at Ardene or Claire’s -- especially considering the very doubtful authenticity of the gemstones. What makes this deal such a deal is the ability to get silver and gemstones cheap. Instead I got mystery metal and probably glass stones cheap.

By the way, I had this concern that the magnet was too strong or some such crap so I tested my previously purchased stirling silver items. Everything passed. Except for the clasps on the chains for some reason. Weirdness.

So. Silverjewelryclub.com is a scam. They’re selling the same quality of stuff as you can get at the local mall costume jewellery store. However, when taken for what it is -- cute costume jewellery, of which the only thing silver is the colour, it’s not a bad buy. Many of the designs are unique and classy. $8.99 US for that isn’t an unreasonable price.

Jinxing myself...

2007-01-29T17:06:46Z

Today's been a good day so far, and in mentioning that I'm jinxing myself for the rest of the day. I've only had tiny twinges of pain in my back and legs, tiny enough that I'd consider today painfree. Had a quick couple of visits with Nicole before and after class. I should have her over for dinner sometime so she can meet my cast of characters I keep talking about.

I'm at the Heuther at the moment, procrastinating working on my first essay this term. I managed to get my research stage finished within the amount of time allotted and as of today I'm supposed to start writing. I hate writing. I really hate writing essays. Good thing I'm in Honours History, eh? I have lots of papers to slug my through this term. Let's see...

First up there's the Banishing the Beast book review. I'm currently avoiding doing up my outline for that one. Research is complete.

Then there's the Long essay for Evil and its symbols. Research stage is starting today. I need to go look up the words available for the paper and choose one today, I think. Yes, I'm writing a 10 page paper on a word. This will either be easy or awful.

Then there's the Primary source analysis for Gender History. I have to find a primary source dating from the renaissance to the early 70s, about women's lives and issues, and then write an analytical introduction to the piece. A foreword. I think that one is 10 pages too.

For Homefronts of the Second World War I have to do a museum exhibit proposal. I need to find a cohesive theme (preferably a specialized one) and create a museum exhibit on the theme. The "essay" part is a proposal for the exhibit, with images, layout, descriptions, etc. I'm actually looking forward to this one. I'm open to theme suggestions, btw. It just needs to be within the context of the Second World War.

Oh well then, only 4 papers. That's not too bad. I guess since last term I only had the one paper this feels like a lot now. My evil and its symbols class has a bunch of mini-projects each week, but whatever.

I'm trying to be really proactive and smart about my papers this term. I always leave them to the last minute and then I work my ass off the weekend before the paper is due, become a raging bitch and stress myself out. This is not good for me, my family, or my schooling. So the plan is this term to break my essays down into smaller chunks and then break that down even smaller. So each essay has 3 stages -- Research, Writing, Revision. So I've taken the due date for each piece and counted backwards. Revision gets a week, so that I can farm it out to my proofreading peeps and also not look at it myself for a few days. Counting back from the first draft due date I give myself a day per page to write. Weekdays that is. There is nothing scheduled on the weekends so it gives me some play room if I need it and reduces my guilty feelings if I focus on the rest of my life on weekends. Finally counting back from the first day of the writing stage, I give myself 2 weeks of research time.

So basically for a 10 page paper I start on it 5 weeks before the due date. Lots and lots of time. Plus there's a lot of overlap between the papers too. But it's a mix of stages, thankfully. I'm not writing two papers at the same time.

Overall things are much better this term for me. I'm on top of my notes (thank you notetaking!) since I have to send them out to other students once a week. I'm staying on top of my readings for the most part. I'm a bit behind at the moment, but that's easily enough resolved. Hopefully this new plan of attack for my papers will help too. Plus I've done some cognitive-behavioural work on my feelings of being a failure in my life and my schooling. I've also stopped discussing school with people for the most part. Well, more that I'm not talking about my schoolwork with people who are very negative about such things.

Anyways, enough with the talking about school -- I really need to get my ass in gear and at least get a rough outline happening for my book review. :)

Sticking my hand in the crazy since 1975...

2007-01-23T20:29:51Z

I have this very unfortunate habit of putting myself in situations that, to not put a too fine a point on it, drive me fucking insane. This ranges from dating the wrong guys, making and keeping toxic friends, remaining in online communities that are just as toxic, etc. The latest example of putting my hands in the crazy is the entire environment of facebook. I read somewhere a mention of a community on facebook called "Put your fucking hand down in lecture. No one gives a shit." (I think there's a shut the fuck up in there as well, but whatever.) Can we get any more toxic a community for the kind of student and person I am? I'm a contentious, active, participatory, interested, involved student. My fucking hand is always up. It makes me feel sorry for my profs when they ask for feedback from a lecture hall filled with a couple hundred students and instead they get deafening silence. That has to suck major, major ass. So up goes my hand.

The thing that primed me to be curious in what that facebook group had to say was my Human Geography class last term. It got to the point that the noise level in the classroom would rise after every time I said anything. I ignored it, but I'm not stupid (actually after looking at the class average on the lab assignments I'd argue that they were) so I knew why the volume was going up. I really got under my skin. Not that I'll stop participating in a class because a bunch of kiddies are inexplicably offended that someone would dare to respond to the prof when he asked questions to us as a class.

So my hand in the crazy thing lately has been going back to that group and reading the threads. Apparently mature students are soccer moms looking for meaning in their lives. The suggestion that mature students have so much more to do with their lives than go to kindergarten, er, university was met with derision. The one post that really got to me though was about disabled students. One braintrust posted about how s/he had a guy in a wheelchair at her school, but the one day s/he saw the wheelchair guy put his wheelchair in his trunk and walk to the drivers door. This experience made her/him a "skeptic" about those disabled people.

... the hell?

The suggestion was given that maybe, shockingly the guy cannot walk long distances. I'm just flummoxed at the pure stupidity of the entire thing. Wheelchairs cost shitloads of money. It's remarkably more difficult getting around with assistance than without (speaking from the perspective of someone that can go one day without my cane and then the next day be unable to walk without it.) People stare. Parking in the disabled spots feels like holding up a sign saying "I'm different!" Who the fuck in their right mind would choose to live life disabled or giving the appearance of being disabled? The hell.

But it's like a worm to me when I read shit like that. Gets under my skin. So now the question comes when people stare at me with my cane, "Are they staring at me in curiosity or with malice? Are they thinking I'm faking my need for the cane?" So on and so forth. It happens now when I put my hand up in class. I think about the stuff people have posted to that group and wonder if it's being applied to me. Do I have to worry about people throwing things at my laptop to "shut the keener up"? Are people thinking about hitting me to shut me up?

I wish I was joking, but there's been entire threads dedicated to the various ideas these people have about how to shut people up. It's not that I'm scared. Frankly, if someone threw something at me or tried to hurt me they'd realize really fucking quick that I carry a big fucking stick. In addition to a core-deep resolution to never let someone harm me again without their paying for it threefold. I just don't want to be in that position, ever.

So that's the crazy I stuck my hand in. I wish I could unknow the level of malice these children have for people different from them. The hate they have for students that aren't approaching their education with apathy and distain. There's something seriously wrong there.

More Books!

2007-01-22T21:01:31Z

4. Sisters of the Raven by Barbara Hambly

From amazon.ca: "In a world where only men possess magic, the mages are losing their power--and a few women are discovering that they can cast spells. This adds turmoil to an already dire situation. Drought is ravaging the Yellow City. Its king is a soft, untested dandy with many enemies. A radical new prophet is winning an army of converts with his dangerous preachings. And the women magic-makers, struggling to form an alliance and combat the drought, are being killed in the night by an unknown man who, impossibly, possesses a new, terrifying, and immensely powerful magic." (linkage)

The first book in this series. I read the second one in Nova Scotia over the holidays. I really enjoy the characters, but I always do when Hambly is writing. :)

Rating: A

5. The Second Summoning by Tanya Huff

From amazon.ca: "Whether it's a blessing or curse, Claire Hansen's gift for reweaving time and space must be used to maintain the balance between Light and Darkness. But when an angel and a devil take human form-raging hormonal, teenaged form-it's up to Claire to keep all hell and heaven from busting loose." (linkage)

The second book in the Keeper's Chronicles series. I thought I had read the first already since Tanya Huff is one of the authors I buy, but I guess not. It's a tongue in cheek romp, lots of fun. Plus, you can't beat it being set in the area I live in.

Rating: A-

6. Long Hot Summoning by Tanya Huff

From amazon.ca: "A force from the Otherside threatens to break through to our world and destroy the balance between Light and Darkness. Unless, of course, the Keepers Claire and Diana-two sisters who are able to reweave the possibilities of time and space-can prevent a permanent rift between worlds...at the local shopping mall." (linkage)

The next one in the series, and while I'm not as dissapointed as some of the other reviewers on amazon seem to be -- I didn't enjoy it as much as the last one.

Rating: B-

6 / 50
(12.0%)

Rantage

2007-01-18T14:52:47Z

Since Mike has started stating a desire for me to stop expressing my anger at morons when I'm driving, I'm going to try doing it here.

Dear Fucktard who passed me on Ring road this morning,

You're an idiot. For many reasons I'm sure, but we'll just stick to why passing someone on Ring road, on the uofw campus, is really fucking stupid. Contrary to what seems the belief of idiot drivers on said road, I do not drive like grandma on Ring road because I drive like grandma everywhere. I do so because the pedestrians on this campus are stupider than you. They walk out without checking for cars. They don't even look. To add to this excitement we can toss in the cyclists that do the same thing but at speed! Wooo! Thrilling!

So we come to the first one of the rules of driving you missed in the driver's ed class you skipped. Are you ready for it? It's completely nonsensical, I can see why it's confusing to you and most drivers on Ring road. When environmental conditions may necessitate a sharp, fast stop, slow down your speed. The faster you are going, the longer it takes to stop. Mind blowing, I know. I don't like it much either, you can ask Mike, I have a lead foot everywhere else (aka the roads where the probability of my having to clean pieces of stupid student out of my front grille is less than p. = 0.8) but somehow I manage to restrain the desire to go fast. I know you can too. I believe in you!

Now we come to the second of those rules you missed... wait, how many driver's ed classes did you skip any ways? The yellow lines in the middle of the road have meanings! A solid line means DO NOT PASS. See, people who aren't fucking morons, or at least have the potential of not being morons, looked at Ring road, looked at those environmental conditions of it being 1. on a campus filled with idiots who can't check both ways before crossing a street and 2. really, really curvy, and decided that cars passing each other on this road would be a BAD IDEA. So they painted that solid, yellow line down the middle. Which, by the way, is not optional.

So next time you're in that much of a fucking hurry -- don't use Ring road to get to the Columbia St side of campus, hold in your mind the idea of cleaning stupid student out of your car's engine compartment after you strain them through the grille, and un-fucking-clench because 35 km/hr in a 40 km/h zone is not that fucking slow, dipshit. One more thing, go back to driver's ed.

Me.

Next one

2007-01-07T20:43:54Z

3. Mystic Quest by Tracy & Laura Hickman

From amazon.ca: "Twenty-three years have passed since Galen Arvad first exposed the deep magic-a power that spans three separate worlds. Now, that magic brings tragedy and darkness to the lives of all who wield it. Galen and his clans suffer an endless war in the realm of the dragonkings; a gruesome kingdom of the undead rises in the faery domain, and in the realm of the reanimated rusting titans, a tyrant goblin's lust for conquest goes unchecked. A new generation of heroes sets out on separate,life-changing journeys, and each will find their redemption may be beyond the power of magic." (linkage)

Wasn't expecting the jump in years. But that's my own bias, I really like to follow the same characters through several books. A solid read. :)

Rating: B

3 / 50 books
(6.0%)

Books, baby!

2007-01-03T17:10:56Z

1. Mystic Warrior by Tracy & Laura Hickman

From amazon.ca: "Galen Arvad, a newly married blacksmith, struggles to discover the nature of a dream state connecting him with inhabitants of the faerie and goblin realms. Galen tries to hide this uncanny connection, but fails when he runs afoul of the Dragon Priests in Benyn Township, whose people equate magic with insanity. Galen's wife, Berkita, and his dwarf friend, Cephas, vow to rescue him. Meanwhile, Galen strives to understand how his fate intermingles with the destiny of a faerie Seeker who wishes to aid her war-torn people and a goblin toiling amid the vast mechanical machines left by Titans." (linkage)

Not necessarily a book I'd want to buy so I could re-read it over and over, but an enjoyable read.

Rating: B (aka not going to be added to my to buy list, but I really want to keep reading the series)

2. Old Twentieth by Joe Haldeman

From amazon.ca: "In a world in which mortality has been defeated, people seek thrills and meaning with great dedication. Virtual-reality technician and cook Jacob Brewer joins the crew of Aspera on a thousand-year trip to Beta Hydrii and a new world to settle. The past accompanies them in a computer that lets them visit earlier times, when people's lives were shaped by the promise of death. The most popular destination is the last century of mortality, the twentieth. Trouble first shows in inconsistencies in the data from certain periods, and when someone dies in virtuality, there is understandable concern, especially because word from Earth is that something strange is going on there, too. Then an avatar of the machine, which has achieved sentience and is deeply curious about humanity, contacts Jacob."

Interesting enough that I want to find some more of Haldeman's work to read. The ending was abrupt and relatively unsatisfying.

Rating: C+ (pretty darn average, glad I got it at the library)

2 / 50 books read
(4.0%)

Study? Who Me?

2006-12-18T21:03:42Z

A smart Linda would clear off either the couch or the table and be studying right now. Yes, yes she would. Instead I want to play on here because it's like a shiny new toy! Granted, I'm a bit stoned on Codeine so I'm not sure how effective studying would be.

My new life. Codeine, a cane, physiotherapy, a disabled parking pass, and beyond it all else, pain. Lots and lots of pain. According to this pain scale I spend most of my days at a 3-4 level, and when I'm having a "bad time" it's an 8. 10 hasn't been unheard of either. The cane comes out to play at about a 5-6 because with it I can drop my pain down a level.

What is it? Sciatica, which just means "leg pain." I need to go for an MRI before we'll know for sure, but right now my sciatic nerve is being hurt in some way. My doctor and my physiotherapist have different theories as to what's wrong so I'm just going to ignore them until the MRI results come back. Basically the area from my lower back to my ankle alternately aches, burns, or feels like an electrical shock of pure pain. All the time. Mainly with my right leg, but some days I'm unlucky and it's my left leg, and then the super-unlucky days it's both. Those are the 9-10 level days where I just want to die.

It's been an on and off problem for years. There was a flare-up in 2002 when I just simply couldn't walk at all. Plus I was too stubborn to buy a cane, which would have helped. I was very lucky last year for school in that I had pain, but in my back, not down my leg. This year's been different. Instead of counting days out of the week when I'm having a flare-up, I count days in the lower pain levels. A honest pain free day has me high as a kite. It's fricking heaven. Not only did I buy a cane to use at home, I've started using it everywhere else too.

I'm the first person to admit that I'm not an active person at all. But I want to be able to walk, to bend over, to do the day-to-day things that come with being an adult, mother, university student and right now, I can't. It's a hard pill to swallow. Ahh well, speaking of being a mother, the kidlet's home. Plus I feel a bit less stoned. :)

Never, ever again.

2006-12-18T14:10:00Z

To keep myself amused this summer I did a whole bunch of craft swaps on craftster. I organized two as well. At this point if I even consider organizing another swap I want to be locked away. There was one that was supposed to be done and gone by the end of September. I'm still dealing with it today. So not a priority in my life at all and it shows.

Nothing drives me more insane than mealy-mouthed "sorry to be a pain/bother/pest" notes from people wanting to know what's going on. You're not sorry, you want to know what's going on, that's reasonable, stop fucking apologizing. It's perfectly reasonable to ask (once in a while, not all the fricking time) the organizer what's happening and what she's going to do if nothing is happening. It's also perfectly reasonable for me to say that I dropped the ball, there's too much shit happening in my life right now to juggle it, can you please wait. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Add in that the organizer of the swap I got flaked on declared to everyone that they should figure it out between them and their partner if they haven't received yet. Uh, yeah, no. Organizer isn't done until everyone has either met their requirements or an angel has met said requirements. Apparently someone reported the organizer to the swap mods. Which amuses me greatly. Since I would have if I wasn't drowning in offline life commitments.

I might do swaps again in the summer, but I really don't think so. I've made beautiful things for people who cannot be bothered to thank me at all. I've spent hundreds of dollars on shipping. Some of what I've received back has been very, very nice. But on the other hand, for the amount I've spent, I could've bought as nice here. The joy of making something for someone only extends so far.

Ahh well, hopefully this new angel I worked out won't be a flaking asshole and I can finally finish off the swap completely. And now to the shower so I can get my day started. Today's the day to study.

Merry Ho Ho.

2006-12-18T04:13:16Z

I'm so sleepy right now. But at least I got finished weaving in the ends on a number of Christmas gifts as well as making a crochet present for my niece-in-law. We'll ignore the fact that I have two final exams bearing down on me at runaway train speeds. French is Tuesday at 2pm and History is Wednesday at 9am. Not too worried about French -- I've been doing well enough on assignments and midterms that it's obvious that I have a good grip on what I'm supposed to know. History on the other hand... yeah. We'll see what I can pull out.

I really need to be smarter next term. Work smarter not harder. I've spent too much time this weekend on just paper-pushing crap like cleaning up the typos in my notes when I should have been studying. This is the stuff I need to do during the term on a regular basis.

Anyways, Dresden calls me. There's something very very keenerish about using a book on my required list for a class next term as my bedtime reading. But hey, it's interesting. :)

Well...

2006-12-16T02:34:38Z

I guess if I'm going to start using this thing again occasionally I should start with a personality test! I've been re-reading some of my old posts and found this test from oh, 5 years ago. Mike's going to laugh at the whole "right way" bit, 'cause that's so me.

Voila!

~*~

Conscientious
(Work)

Work ethic, get the job done and done right, strong morals and values, loyal, perfectionist.

Hard work: The Conscientious person is dedicated to work, works very hard, and is capable of intense, single-minded effort.

The right thing: To be Conscientious is to be a person of conscience. These are men and women of strong moral principles and values. Opinions and beliefs onany subject are rarely held lightly. Conscientious individuals want to do the right thing.

The right way: Everything must be done "right," and the Conscientious person has a clear understanding of what that means, from the correct way to balance the checkbook, to the best strategy to achieve the boas's objectives, to how to fit every single dirty dish into the dishwasher.

Perfectionism: The Conscientious person likes all tasks and projects to be complete to the final detail, without even minor flaws.

Love of detail: Conscientious men and women take seriously all the steps of any project. No detail is too small for Conscientious consideration.

Order: Conscientious people like the appearance of orderliness and tidiness. They are good organizers, catalogers, and list makers, and they appreciate schedules and routines.

Pragmatism: Conscientious types approach the world and other people from a practical, no-nonsense point of view, They roll up their sleeves and get to workwithout much emotional expenditure.

Prudence: Thrifty, careful, and cautious in all areas of their lives, Conscientious individuals do not give in to reckless abandon or wild excess.

Accumulation: A "pack rat," the Conscientious person saves and collects things (storing them in orderly bundles), reluctant to discard anything that has, formerly had, or someday may have value for him or her.

Tap... tap...

2006-12-15T15:37:51Z

This thing still on?

A Place to Fly

2003-06-02T00:20:39Z

I obviously haven't been here in forever, but if anyone wants to find me, I'm now at A Place to Fly

melesse @ 2002-01-19T13:07:00

2002-01-19T18:08:29Z

Hissyfit Forums are shutting down. Right now it's goodbye land.

*sniffles* Been there 2 years, and man oh man, some communities you never imagine closing. Then they do. =/

I'm alive, I swear. :)

2002-01-07T17:28:34Z

It's been a while, eh? I've been crazy busy with a lot of stuff in the past few months, but most of all I haven't felt the need to write. In a good way. Writing has always been my preferred method for working things out for myself. Coil bound notebook and a nice pen, and I'm set for some serious self-therapy.

I haven't needed it. I've actually been living a 'normal' life. Well, as normal as I'll ever get. I've been working for myself, and actually getting paid for it. I've been working at my mom's house doing renovations. I have my daughter for more time each week. Life's gotten gradually busier and it's GREAT.

The more balanced my life gets the more grateful I am to the therapists that worked with me. I don't think I realized then that the ultimate goal was to teach me how to do it ALL for myself. Teaching me how to ask myself the hard questions, how to dig for the roots of things, how to be self-aware at all times no matter what kind of emotional space I was in. They taught me how to do that, and it's working. Rock ON. :)

I'm a soapmaker now, btw. I make *really* nice soaps and I sell them too! I've been working on a webpage for my soap company, SkyWorks. Go Admire. It's not live yet, I've gotten stumped on a few details. But all in all I'm VERY proud of myself with this page. It's the first 'serious' website I've designed all by my little self.

The whole in business for myself thing is very strange, but it's been a lot of fun. Mike's been great about the whole thing, especially considering he's somewhat jaded on the concept of being a small business owner. He's been keeping me reined in a lot. We agreed when I had to make the "Sell soap or quit soaping" decision that I wasn't going to go big business mentality. He's cool with it growing tho? if it gradually gets bigger and I have to grow along with it, that's fine.

So. I'm alive and kicking. ;)

melesse @ 2001-12-19T11:53:00

2001-12-19T16:50:39Z

Just testing this out.

Whee! Fresh format and reinstall. :)

Sock-puppets

2001-10-10T19:06:50Z

I fucking hate people that play the "Anonymous" game on boards. It's cowardly, and an insult to everyone else there.

So someone posted as "JesusFreak" on the soaping boards. All about their faith in god, and how courageous they were to post their thoughts. With the lovely statement that as a Christian they expect persecution.

So I flamed her. Basically called her a coward, and disrespectful of the very thing she's holding up. I honestly believe that. I said: "Give Christ the same respect he gave you, he never hid who he was, and he spread the word in a world where being a Christian meant death, not harsh words typed on the internet. What he faced was persecution, what you face is being 'flamed'. Talk about courage when you actually have some. "

(BTW, this board publicly posts the IPs of the posters, it took me 10 minutes half-awake to find the person behind the sock puppet. So not only is she playing sock-puppet, she's doing it badly.)

And now the response is "you can post under any name you want to!" from several other people. Am I the only person that thinks posting "Anonymously" is unethical and cowardly? That if someone actually has conviction in what they are saying/typing they will put the name they use everywhere to that post?

I know, I know. People are stupid. It's just sometimes I feel like a single voice out there.

I like the easy ones.

2001-10-05T22:48:00Z

More ranting.

2001-10-05T07:54:13Z

I've read my last entry about a dozen times now, and more keeps coming up to me.

Do people really view children like that? Like possessions? Like Pets? Like something to keep them happy? Like a thing? I cannot comprehend this. At all.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 years old. I had my life planned in a nice orderly fashion; go to Ryerson, move to Vancouver, make a life as a theatre tech. Those two pink lines shot those plans to hell. I considered abortion. But I just couldn't do it. So the day I ruled out abortion was the day she was real, alive and a person in her own right. I have never wavered from that, even when she was this annoying ball of flesh with no personality to speak of that just ate, cried, slept, shit and pissed. She was a person. She was Sara. First.

I'm not a good mother. I'm a good mother to Sara, because we've figured out what works for us in our relationship. But I hate kids. I don't have the patience for them, I don't find them cute or fascinating. I much prefer people that know who they are, where they're going and what their history is. The older my daughter gets, the better I can relate to her and vice versa and finally I'm having some fun with this whole parenting gig. But that's on a Sara & Me basis. I'm not about to try again and hope I suddenly become super-mom. As I always say, One kid from this body is more than enough for this lifetime.

So why is this wrong? Why is it strange that I know that I suck as a mother and don't wish to compound my suckiness with more kids? Why is that complete strangers think they know better than I do about what I'm skilled at and what I'm not? Are they threatened by the fact that I can acknowledge my own choices about my body?

About a year ago I told Mike that I was 100% sure I never wanted another child. I also told him that if he wanted kids, he should start looking elsewhere. He stayed, and now he's the first one to say that Sara is enough for us all on her own. Yet it's been said to me that I am denying Mike kids.

I wonder, how many women out there just wanted one kid or two? But didn't say "No, that's it. No more." because of this type of commentary, this pressure to conform? My body is mine. I chose who touches it, I chose what is done to it, I chose what happens to it. I'm not denying anyone anything, I am in charge of what is truely mine.

As Sara is in charge of herself. Her body is hers, her mind is hers, her soul is hers, her love and warmth and generousity is hers to share or keep. I gave birth to her, and the minute she breathed air she belonged completely to herself. It's my job to teach her how to survive in this world, to protect her and provide for her. Yet, that does not give me the right to treat her like a possession or expect her to give my life meaning.

My daughter is a beautiful, gifted and intellegent individual, and if I treat her as anything different, then I have failed as a parent. I don't think my daughter will think of me a failure as a parent when she's my age. I hope. :)

I wonder what egg lady's kids think about her?

For posterity.

2001-10-05T06:54:18Z

I have to remember this because it amuses me and pisses me off all at the same time. We're talking about kids in the soaper chat, and someone just said to me regarding Sara being my only child: "all your eggs in one basket. something happen to that child and your arms are empty. would be so sad"

Holy fuck lady. Just because you have half a dozen kids doesn't mean I want that many! Also, my daughter isn't a fucking EGG, she's a CHILD, a HUMAN BEING. She's not here on this earth to keep my arms full! If I lose Sara, my life will be emptier no matter if I have more kids or not. Fuck. My child is not alive to make me happy, or fill my life. She's alive because she's alive. If she makes me happy, or proud, or anything it's a goddamned blessing.

So, yes, faceless stranger in a chat room, it would be VERY sad if my daughter died. It would destroy my life. But, it would destroy my life no matter how many children I have because Sara is an amazing, beautiful person who deserves the best life can offer.

So take your Only Child Is Bad crap and eat it.

I hate HTML.

2001-10-03T18:57:05Z

So I spent about 3 hours making up a crappy page to showcase the soaps I have made so far. There's been some interest from potential customers, so the page was needed.

I hate HTML. Give me the code, ask me to clean it up some, or maintain a site through templates? Not a problem. But making a page from scratch makes me want to pull my hair out. I used coffee cup for the first bit, just to get myself rolling, then switched over my best friend: notepad.

Anyways, Anyone want some AWESOME soap?

This is cool.

2001-10-03T16:34:43Z

melesse @ 2001-10-01T12:29:00

2001-10-01T16:33:28Z

Happy Birthday, Jlee! Welcome to the 25 and up club. ;)

crash

2001-09-27T17:56:01Z

That's the sound of me jumping on the bandwagon.

(this doesn't count communities or myself)

Number of people on my lj friends list: 19
...whom I've met in person: 6
...whom I've met in person more than once: 5
...whose house I've been to: 5 (total), 3 (in the past year)
...who have been to my house: 5 (total), 3 (past year)
...whose precise geographic location I know offhand: 1 (at this exact moment), 12 (the cities they're in)
...whose first names I know offhand: 15
...whose full names I know offhand: 7
...whom I've followed/been in touch with for more than 3 years: 5
...who live outside my country: 8
...whose journal I consider myself "addicted" to: No one, doesn't that make me awful?
...whom I've lived with: 2, maybe 3.
...whose ex I slept with: 1, in a weird convoluted way. (Does it count if I slept with him before they got involved?)
...who I'd do: 1, and hopefully for the rest of our lives. :)
...who I've done: 2

Ok, that took a lot longer than I thought it would. Anyways back to the researching on becoming a business! Whee!

PTSD

2001-09-14T17:26:23Z

I just wrote this for A Place to Fly but I think I'll post it here first. It's going to be long. heh. I may post it over in the wtcdisaster community as well, we'll see. God, I feel vulnerable doing this.

======

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

On Tuesday, September 11, 2001 I believe the world changed. Millions of people from around the world watched as a tragedy unfolded in the US. I've heard mention a couple times now of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in relation to this tragedy, and I have the feeling it will become a topic of concern in the next few months. So I want to talk about it now, and maybe help some people understand what may be happening to them, and how to help deal with it.

What is PTSD?

PTSD is classified as an anxiety disorder, which develops after exposure to a life-threatening and/or extremely traumatic event(s).

Symptoms include: nightmares, flashbacks, sleeping problems, hyper-vigilance (being really jumpy and aware of everything around them), depression, feeling detached or numb, memory problems, irritability, over protectiveness of loved ones and avoidance of things that may remind of the traumatic event.

There are two types of PTSD, short-term and chronic (or complex) PTSD. I'm going to talk about short-term, as the terrorist attack on the US comes under that definition.

How can PTSD affect my life?

I have described the affect PTSD has on my life, as "I am unable to cope in a healthy way with day to day stress." PTSD can impair the way people relate to each other, and the world around them. In my life, there are the days and weeks that I am unable to leave my home because the fear is that crippling. Panic and anxiety attacks are common. There can be a continual sense of detachment from everything around, a sense of nothing being 'real'. Depression seems to go hand in hand with PTSD, with the accompanying symptoms of depression. There can be anger and frustration at feeling weak or helpless. Simply, PTSD changes the way the world looks and feels, it's a feeling of "nowhere is safe anymore".

So what the hell can I do about it?

Be as normal as you can. Take care of yourself in the healthiest ways possible. Make a list of the things you enjoy, and do them. If the only thing you feel you are capable of doing is sitting in front of a TV, go do that (but please, don't watch the news!). Create or find somewhere that feels safe, that isn't filled with 'triggers' (a trigger is something that can remind you of the event, and may start a panic response). Talk to people you trust about how you feel and what's happening to you. Most of all, BE GENTLE with yourself and others. Treat yourself the way you would someone you love if they were seriously hurt. Anger, rage and hate just feed into the fear response, and will make you feel and react worse to any stimuli. So don't do that!

But I am angry, scared and hurt! Why can't I rage?

You can do anything you want. I know that when the negative emotions are fed, the panic/anxiety gets worse. Rage without a target will * find* a target, and if it isn't the people around you, most of the time that rage turns on you. At the time when the best course of action is gentleness, rage will destroy. It's difficult to not be angry. Anger is a very human, natural response to fear. They don't call it the "fight or flight" response for nothing. But in this specific situation, there is NO ONE to fight. Even when they find out who is behind the attack, the majority of the people affected by this tragedy won't be fighting. Most of them will be faced with a different world, coloured with a new kind of fear with nowhere to focus that rage. So please, don't feed the rage now. In the long run the only purpose it serves is to harm yourself and the people around YOU. Take the energy that's being used for anger and try to transform it into something you CAN do.

So why should I listen to a word you say?

Because I know what I'm talking about. I'm not some doctor spouting off using doctorese. I've lived the majority of my life with complex PTSD. My first life-threatening event happened when I was 8 years old. I was beaten, and left to die in the woods. The next decade of my life was filled with abuse at the hands of someone I trusted. I live each and every day with the knowledge that my life is fragile and can be taken from me at any moment. It's a sucky way to live, but it's my reality. I am deeply sorrowed that it now looks like millions of people may have to live their lives in this kind of daily fear. This is my attempt to try to help, please take it as such.

Linda {September 14, 2001}

For further information:
National Center for PTSD
PTSD.com